First, gather your ingredients. You will need:

3c crushed Nilla wafers (one 12 oz box or ~92 cookies)
2c powdered sugar
1/4c cocoa powder (less if you want the liqueur to stand out more)
1c nuts (pecans or walnuts)
1/2++c Pimm’s or other liqueur…or any booze, really
1/4c corn syrup
Flour may be used to thicken the mix, depending on how much extra booze you add, or how thick you like your balls.
Sugar for coating

Throw the Nilla wafers, powdered sugar, and cocoa powder into a food processor:

…and listen to their screams as they’re turned into a dusty, delicious homogeneous mixture.

Yeah, like that. Add the nuts:

And process it into more homogeneous goodness.

Now for the fun part: booze!

You will notice that I added a bit more than 1/2c. I ended up adding even more, but by that point my sampling of the Pimm’s (to make sure it hadn’t gone off…purely professional) had impaired my photo-taking vigilance.

Add the Pimm’s and corn syrup to the food processor and blend. A spatula helps with the next part.

Roll it out into 1.5 inch balls (or whatever size satisfies your craving)…

…and coat with sugar:

Now eat all of them. Don’t ask questions. Just do it. Or store them in a sealed container in a cool place for a few days before serving.

My characters, particularly the ones in this novel, let me know what they’re feeling, even when I’d rather not like to know. The current unruly characters, having thoughts of their own I’d rather they didn’t, are known as Sera and Sam. Now, Sera is dealing with some complicated feelings: her (boy) bff has just died in an accident and the boy she’s crushing after is out of sorts, mentally and physically. Then along comes a new boy at school and in previous drafts I had her hate him instantly because of his cheerfulness and general chipper attitude. In response to this, Sam decided he would go out with Sera’s friend, but it never felt like he wanted to, but rather that he was only doing it to be around Sera.

This time around, I reasoned that Sera didn’t really have a good reason to dislike Sam for long, so she gave him a chance. Now the darn kids are constantly two sentences from making out. That’s what I get for writing horny teenagers. They never do what you want them to.

Now, I’m acting grumpy about this, but very deep down (so deep down that they’ll never know) I’m quite thrilled about it. It shows that these characters are independent, all grown up now and not needing their ambivalent creator (me) to make decisions for them. If they want to start something then fine, but they’ll have to deal with the messy consequences that I’m hatching for them. …On the other hand, rather I like the idea of having an unspoken romantic tension with Sam running as an undercurrent as Sera wrestles with her feelings for crush-boy and dead bbff.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is one that you’ll hear from just about every fiction writer. If your characters are disobeying you, it’s for a reason. They know themselves better than you do. Give them their heads and sit back as they tell you their story.

One of the big things literary mags do to promote themselves is to hold contests. They get readers involved and up the circulation. Since all legit contests cost money (to cover celebrity judges, entry processing time, and winner money), entrants usually get a year subscription with their fee (and then they’re HOOKED, if they aren’t already. At least, that’s the idea).

Over at my magazine, we recently finished up with a postcard contest where entrants sent us a postcard and a short-short story to go with it. I had the “pleasure” of reading eighty of these in one afternoon. Some of them were good, most of them were…uh…clearly not written by writers. To put it delicately.

My job, on this particular Friday, was to go through this box of envelopes and pull out the postcards that needed to be returned to their senders.

I came across my favourite one— not the best written, didn’t have any stirring metaphors, but the story was touching. And I enjoyed it. I peeked at the back, where all the judges write either yes, no, or maybe. I’d written “Maybe!” because I liked it, but figured no one else would. I was right. The back page was covered in “No”s. The salt on the wound was knowing that I couldn’t take the card home, because all of the postcards go into storage, since occasionally they get taken out and used for “other things.”

So there I was, Friday morning, sans latte, sorting through stories and postcards that didn’t appeal to the judges— mostly volunteers and interns— picking out the postcards that the sender liked enough to want returned. I kept coming across old photographs that weren’t tagged with “RETURN” in the Contest Spreadsheet 2010.

I suspect this is due to lazy volunteers. I felt like I was rescuing them from the certain doom of Storage, and worried that by not finishing all of the envelopes myself, I was condemning the other poorly labelled entries.

There were a lot of postcards purchased from shops, a few old photographs, and some postcards with letters written on them from years ago. I liked the personal feel of the latter two categories. It takes a lot of trust to send in something that special to a magazine, as most seem to be chaotically organized and filled with so much paper that it’s a wonder anything ever escapes.

I wanted to return each postcard with a personal note, saying something like “Thanks for entering, we liked your story! Better luck next year!” But there were so many, I only had time to make a small dent in the envelope pile, and even then I left half an hour later than I was supposed to.

Thus is the fate of the intern. And the losing contest entries.

It’s the job no one wants to do, but at a literary magazine it’s one of those necessary things. On Thursday, the office manager sent me an email letting me know that I’d be running in the office solo, and sent me the task that needed doing: send rejection letters. It’s something I’ve only had to do once before, and once you get over the fact that you’re ruining someone’s day, it’s not so bad. I figured I’d be done in a an hour, two tops, and then I could get some solid, distraction-free writing done in an empty office. So come Friday morning, I loaded my iPod full of the months of Wiretap that I was behind on and headed over.

Ahhhh, a quiet office. Time to be pro-duct-ive. That’s when I saw the stack of envelopes waiting for me. We’re a small mag, but we get lots and lots of submissions, and only a fraction get published. So what happens to the rest? I happen to them. I let down the submitters with a gentle form letter and a fake name.

Four hours and a cup of Honey-Nut Cherrios later, I finally make it through the last of the letters. Here’s a tip to anyone who wants to submit their work to a lit magazine: INCLUDE A SASE. That’s Self-Addressed and Stamped Envelope. It doesn’t take a genius to pop one into the submission package. At the very least, include your email. Please. If I ran a lit mag, I would just throw away any submissions that didn’t have a SASE or email address. I ended up with four of them— the money for the postage for us to mail you your rejection COSTS US MONEY. …Okay, sorry, overreacted a little there. It’s just really annoying.

See? All of these people did it. I love these people. They might not know which mag is right for their work, but, darn it, they have class. Thank you, everyone who includes a SASE. You make the life of an intern stuck with rejection letter duty a little easier.

I worked through lunch and by the time I plopped all 94 letters into the mail bin, I was ravenous. And only one thing would do.

A Terimayo turkey dog from Japadog. Next week I’m going to try their new Okonomi dog. Mmm..

Your Friendly Intern’s Tip of the Day: include a SASE. It’s easy, people. It doesn’t need to be a big one, just a simple letter envelope with your address and stamps will do. You might not be published in that magazine this time, but the interns won’t hate you and remember your name when they’re filing submissions. Just sayin’.

Now why would Zynga do that? Nervous of the “s” word, are they? They’ve already been outed as scammers, but I doubt the wider audience of facebook games is aware of it. TechCrunch has done some great articles on the situation:

Zynga CEO Mark Pincus: “I Did Every Horrible Thing In The Book Just To Get Revenues”

Scamville: The Social Gaming Ecosystem Of Hell

A word of advice to all Zynga game users out there: try these games, they’re way, way better.

Back in January, I made a stuffed cat out of flannel scraps for the birthday of my friends’ 1-year-old daughter, and happened to take photos along the way. My pattern isn’t perfect, so I’m not including it. This is more of a tutorial of process, or just an explanation of how I did it, in case you were curious.

Whenever I make a plushie, I start out with a sketch. The smaller one on the right is what resulted from some brainstorm doodling. I used the one on the left as a rough template. As will become clear, I varied quite a lot from it, realizing the limitations of flannel and the size of the plushie.

The initial idea was to do the same thing as the pirate monkey, that is have separate pieces for the body and limbs. After some internet browsing, and from the many Boos I’ve made, I thought I’d change things up a bit. Turns out, I didn’t make the limbs quite right— but it’s a learning process!

Anyway, if you’re like me, you’re going to want to sketch out a pattern on paper. I know some people who just take scissors to fabric and go with what happens, but that’s way too scary for me.

If your fabric is wrinkly, go ahead and iron it. Pets may lend a paw. Or, like my pooch, they’ll just think you’re crazy.

Time to cut out the fabric! Don’t forget to leave room for the seams. …yes, I’ve forgotten to do that in the past.

One of the things I had a lot of trouble with was sizing the facial features. I ended up going through about three different versions. The ones in this photo were from the first batch. I left room for seams on the eyes, forgetting that there wouldn’t be any seams. Ultimately, they were all too big, as it’s difficult to judge size before it’s all sewn together.

At this point, judging size is a little easier now that all the pieces laid out together. To make the ears, I sewed the contrast on one of the pieces directly on, using the zig-zag stitch on a tight setting. Be sure not to make two right ears accidently, like my dog has. Also stitch the tail together and stuff it.

The patch for the eye was done the same way as the ears. At this point, I also did the pocket. Then I hand-stitched on the felt eyes, pupils, and nose. Using embroidery floss, I stitched the mouth, then added the felt tooth.

It’s starting to take shape! Almost done now. Here, stitch the back pieces together, along with the tail. Leave several inches two-thirds of the way up the back to allow for stuffing at the end.

This is a tricky bit. Pin the (stuffed) ears to the front, making sure they’re where you want them. Next, lay the back on top of the front and, keeping all the outside bits in, pin the front and back together. Stitch.

Looking good now! The end is in sight. I made the mistake of putting this project off until the last minute and spend seven straight hours making this the day before the party. Needless to say, I was getting pretty tired.

Here’s a fun part, though. Time to shove it full of love fluff! Make sure the limbs get filled, and that the body isn’t lumpy. This might take some massaging, ripping of stuffing, and punching. Don’t get too violent, though.

Just four inches of hand-stitching stands between you and completion! Take some thread and go for it. Don’t make the stitches too big or too small. Do make sure that the knots on either end are strong.

And it’s done! Ain’t it cute? Cuddliness guaranteed.

I’ve been putting it off because, frankly, I don’t think I’m all that interesting. So I’m just going to put up a doodle I did of the characters in the novel I’m working on. Distraction!

"Look out, Gabe, or my ghost cooties might get you!"

This is pretty illustrative of how these two characters interact most of the time. I think most of my doodles from this story are of them. I’m hoping to finish the watercolour of Michael (the incorporeal one on the left) before I go to California next week, so look for that in the coming days.

Of course, I’m also hoping to get down a sketch for a major illustration before I leave, and I’ll probably only have time for one. In any case, I’ll get something up here.

If you’re looking for more, check out the webcomic I did with a friend some time ago: Damp with Murder

I learned a lot from that experience, and I want to start doing my own comic shorts. There are three comics that I did for Damp with Murder over the summer (an attempt to get it going again) that are still unaired. I’ll put them up either here or the comic’s page soon. (I hope).